Interview with Wendy Rue Williams: Woman of Wellness
Wendy Rue Williams is the Health & Wellness Director of Boston Connects, a program that supports the wellness of elementary school kids that is run through Boston College. We had our phone interview at 7 p.m. on a week night so that Wendy had a chance to feed her kids dinner and then get them settled in. Talk about a busy woman who still makes time for the important things in life…Her strategy: 23 minutes of freedom while her daughter was watching Dora the Explorer with her earned TV time…now THAT’S what I call a win-win. Get comfortable. Wendy has a lot to share with us…
1.) Can you tell us about your career background and how it brought you into the wellness field?
I grew up in Mississippi where football is just about as important as religion. We went to football games on Saturday nights, and then we went to church on Sunday. So I grew up around sports, but it was primarily male-driven. Title IX had passed 1972, but I grew up in small town so there weren’t a lot of options for girls
But my Mom always encouraged me to run and play tennis. I loved running! (I didn’t like tennis.) I was 15 years old, and I had muscles and I thought that was like the coolest thing ever!
I went to college and majored athletic training, and I taught aerobics and step during college. I wanted to stay in that world, but after graduating, I worked with inner city high school kids in Columbia, sc and I realized that I was only 4 or 5 years older than those kiddos. I realized it was only matter of time before one of the kids got hurt. And I just didn’t want to be there to see that happen.
So I decided to apply for the Peace Corps and for Outward Bound, two things I’d always wanted to do. I ended up working with kids through Outward Bound. I loved the physical challenge of it all and getting exhausted every day. We embarked on 35-day wilderness courses in Florida. We were partnered with the Department of Juvenile Justice, so we worked with court appointed girls and boys to do experiential learning.
The idea was that if you took these kids out of their environment and focused on their social skills and other soft skills, you’d see them come together as a group (and ultimately, and ideally, change their behavior).
If I had to pinpoint a turning point in my life, it was Outward Bound. For five years in my life I worked with kids who I couldn’t really identify with (I mean, these were gang-related kids from Miami). This truly challenged me to sort of think more globally around how things like community and politics and economics really influence someone’s upbringing.
From Outward Bound, went to graduate school to pursue my MSW (Masters Degree in Social Work) at Simmons College, where I was drawn to the focus on urban leadership.
Throughout school I was teaching spinning and boot camp. It’s always been a release for me to run or cycle (with my husband, an avid cycler who I met at Outward Bound).
Then I went to Paraguay through the Peace Corps for a short amount of time, but it just wasn’t good timing for various reasons, one of which was that I’d started dating the man who is now my husband. And I have to say, I married him ten years ago, so leaving Paraguay and coming home was obviously for the right reasons.
I’ve always thought of life as a social worker very differently from the more typical role. I didn’t want to be a sit down clinician; as much respect as I have for clinical social workers, it just isn’t my style. Rather, I have always sought to combine wellness and my love for physical exercise and use that to help empower people to find their inner strength. I believe that people can develop tremendous confidence through wellness and exercise, and so I’ve tried to combine those elements throughout my career.
In some jobs it has worked for me, and in others, it didn’t.
When I chose to start my own business, I was pregnant, and I wanted to work with pregnant women. There really wasn’t a ton out there at this time, and I really fell in love with the population of women between the ages of 30 and 50. These women were pregnant, or Moms, or wives, or married to their jobs, and self care had become absent because they took care of everyone else. Helping them rediscover this element of self care was so amazing, and it’s something I miss.
That leads me to my current position as a Wellness Director for Boston College programming. I’m leading kids and teachers that do health and wellness education. The part that I really enjoy most is working with principals and looking at how you can change the climate of the school through fitness and health and wellness. If you remove physical fitness you’re not serving the whole child; you increase physical fitness, and academics improve as well.
2.) My next question is about goal setting and how often times we accomplish one goal and then move to the next, but other times it’s not as linear a process. One example would be your decision to return home from Paraguay to invest in your relationship. Can you speak to how you know to trust your intuition on your path and let certain goals go while pursuing others?
It is a constant struggle. As women we’re born with this innate need to constantly multi-task. We juggle so many roles. Part of what keeps me sane and what I enjoy is exercise and training for triathlons and yoga, but fitting those into my days/weeks is a constant struggle.
With the whole idea of goal setting and trying to figure things out is taking it out of my head and listening to my gut. I’m not even listening to my heart, because too many emotions are involved. You can rely on your gut for what the right decision is even if it can sometimes seem like it’s the wrong decision.
After speaking with my friends about this, they all agree: if you make a decision based on path of least resistance or go with what’s the most comfortable, nine times out of ten you’re going to be faced with that decision again. And it might not necessarily be the exact same decision, but you’re sure to be faced with something very similar.
I struggle constantly with going back and forth between my head and my heart. It’s never easy; it’s really a process.
3.) Do you now have, or have you ever had a mentor or role model that was particularly influential?
The woman who founded Open Circle, who is now the Executive Director of courage to teach New England is an amazing professional who’s inspired me to follow my passion. She’s soft spoken and puts off a calming energy.
She’ll always tell me at the end of the time we ever talk,
‘You’re going to be okay. You have many gifts. You just have to remember that you have them and that you do use them.’
I have a challenging job that includes supervision of ten people, so needless to say I can feel pretty spent by the end of the week.
3.) If you could look back and share a pearl of wisdom or two with yourself 10 or 20 years ago what would that be?
The first thing that popped into my mind is something that’s relatively benign, but it’s very prevalent: to not be so hard on myself. I’m really, really hard on myself. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, and it’s not a positive. My advice would be to take the pressure off of yourself, and be in the present.
I met a woman in AZ whose favorite saying was ‘bloom where you grow.’ Put some roots in, and just be there. I’m constantly thinking ahead a week, a month, a year, and I think if I just backed it up a bit and just thought about today more it would make the most of where I am at right now.
To go back a little to the role models question, growing up in the south there are some AMAZING southern women who are just spitfires. You know, a lot of people think about the south, and it conjures up images of things like petticoats and mint juleps. They’re put together, and their hair and make-up looks perfect, but these women rule the roost. These are strong women. And these men respect women so much because of the relationships they had with their mothers. They’re beautiful, southern women, and they’re tough as nails.
I spent quite a bit of time around my Mother’s friends, and they were my role models. They were always encouraging me with their positive attitudes. They’re re-affirm to me ‘you’re smart; you’re pretty; you’re the jock.’ And they’re with me all the time.
4.) So you work full-time and you have two kids, and still find the time to exercise and be with your friends. Do you have a certain ritual that you do regularly or daily to maintain a balance in your life with all that you have going on?
COFFEE…(Wendy starts cracking up right here, and I do too!)
I do something physical every single day. Every day. I have really open communication with my husband, so I really share with him where I’m at. If I wake up, and I’m having a bad day, or if I’m in a great place at work…whatever it is that’s on our minds, we’re really open with sharing where we’re at. I’m a much better person if I do.
The ritual is making sure there’s physical movement in my day. And absolutely coffee is very much a part of my day.
I also keep a log. My journal is an effective tool for getting my thoughts and my feelings out.
It’s hard and by no means do I mean to convey that “fitting it all in” is easy. It’s a constant juggling act. As women, we thrive off of other women’s energy. Having a community of women who support you and encourage you is so important. Women who you can relate to, women you can talk to, women you can lean on. So, when women feel overwhelmed and feel that they need to fit another item on the list, it feels as though is is an automatic failure-”There is NO way I can find the time to…”
It’s about taking baby steps-one of those steps is finding a girlfriend, a coworker, a buddy to support and encourage your wellness.
5.) I wanted to ask you what makes your heart sing, but it’s clear to me that it’s movement and connecting that movement and the power of movement to various realms of the community. Would you say that’s pretty much spot on?
Yes, and the connections I’ve made: these light bulb movements with the populations I’ve worked with that truly me that I have a purpose. And you sort of know what you’re really, really good at. And I know that God or whoever you believe in said some people can sing, and some people can dance. I feel it in my heart of hearts and in my gut that when I’m working with communities around fitness, exercise, and wellness, that it’s absolutely professionally and personally what makes my heart sing.
Of course, my husband and kids also make me feel that but that goes without saying.
6.) It sounds like you have a strong idea of what your strengths are. How do you recommend we discover what our strengths are so that we can articulate them and build upon them?
I think we ignore our voice and our gut. I think women’s intuition is not an old wive’s tale and that it’s something we should really pay more attention to.
I’m reminded of this story of a friend of mine who was in this high powered job when I was interviewing for one of my first jobs. She really encouraged me to go ahead and ask for a salary that matched up to how much I’m worth and to not be afraid of that. We’d have these conversations where she’d ask me ‘why not? You’re worth those figures, and you should ask them for that amount!’
Women have not been coached to advocate for what we’re worth. We all have gifts, but we’re not taught and encouraged enough to follow those gifts and really develop those gifts.
I grew up with a Mom and friends that constantly told me that I was smart and that I was an athlete. We have to remember that we all have gifts. It’s a matter of reminding ourselves of what they are and listening to that inner voice. I know when I’m using my strengths, I feel it all over…this feeling of knowing that this is exactly what I should be doing.
I don’t think people listen to their bodies. I don’t think we do. We ignore what’s going on in our bodies, and we think in our heads or outside of our heads. We don’t sit with ourselves long enough to listen to our bodies. If we do, I think all the answers are there. You just have to really listen to it.
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Boston College, Community, Freedom, Globally, Health, Leadership, Social Skills, Social Work, Wellness, Woman
Themocracy
Wendy that is unreal.. what an interview.. you are an amazing daughter,, so proud of you.. i am printing this off to save it.. love you so much!!!!
Wendy you are an amazing role model. You touch the lives of so many!
What an amazing interview, Meredith! She reminded me of you and the questions you asked I hope will remain with you. She is quite a woman! Her mother said: “You are an amazing daughter, so proud of you”. I feel the same about you!!!
xoxo
You have always been a special person. I was fortunate enough to be your dad and a witness to all that you have accomplished. As mom said, we are so proud of you.
Hey sister girl! What a great interview! You are so sure of who you are and what you are great at…all the women that have inspired you..be proud of that..let no one steal your glory! you rock
Your lil sis!!
Awesome! You’re such an inspiration to us all.
This is just fantastic! I just got the chance to sit down and read the interview without any interruptions! You are such a strong, beautiful and amazing women. So thankful to call you my BFF! You ROCK the HOUSE!!!!!!!! Love ya!